Yup, that's what I ask myself every second day....and the stupid part is I don't really get an answer. Infact I can only ask myself - if not here, then where would I rather be???
It's strange to live without a dream. I don't really see myself going anywhere. At times I felt this was the best state to be in, and even aspired to be in that, but then it's no fun beyond a point.
ISB is fake...or rather the people here are fake. It's tough to live with all smiling faces around. Add to it the 'genius' in all of them, you reach a different planet. Egos are big..:-).
I went into the kitchen the other night. It's huge. Met two 'extra-hands', the people who are not actually into cooking and all but for other stuff like cutting vegetables, cleaning stuff and all. All they aspire to be is that smallest assistant to the chef. They have been here 3 years just living that dream. Yeah, life is relative. I just can't get the right perspective.
Attended a photography, lecture the other night. Hell....i know nothing of photography....yeah not even how to hold the camera properly...:)...nice one...would probably go to a few more...
What else..mom had an accident, a serious one last week....broke her arm...was in the hospital for 'bout 3 days..i was not told...yeah, nice...it made no sense to 'disturb' me....:-)....i don't know how to react....the only thing I asked myself last night was....If I can't go to her when I am a student....would I be able to do it when I have professional responsibilities....:-)...maybe, maybe not...hence the question 'Why the hell am I here??? - yeah maybe to move on in life, leave a few people behind, and find a happy life....worth it???....i don't know....the stupid part is the world believes it is....and I feel i would fall in line soon....:)
Hell, I hate it.....
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4 comments:
It is not sensible to ask every alternate day 'why I am here?' It was decided long ago, so this question is irrelavant now. Moreover, this is a limited period so again the question is futile. The question that should make sense should be 'what after this?' This question will give some meaning to your ambitions, dreams, personality and life. So first thing is concentrate on present (assignments/challenges/period)and shape your future (or personlity/life.
So far as 'ISB is fake' and all those fake smiles, my dear friend/brother life is fake everywhere, people are fake. But in this fake world there exist genuineness (of people and life) which you have to find yourself. If you start finding fakeness you will get it everywhere, concentrate on the positive aspects of everyone (everyone includes the ISB inmates as well as the 'extra hands in kitchen'. Life is a painful learning process. Every observation/experience/pain makes you face life in its face.
Sharad
oops...right Sharadji....
Careful my friend ... Before you know it ,youll turn into one of those grumpy old men who just sit around and crib about everything
and anything ...
Read your blog yourself and yould realise that all you have done is complain ...
I know its none of my business , but its a shame watching some one to be in ISB and still be unhappy ... If you cant find happiness there , life is gonna be one long drag ...
Pheww....u r so right....and yeah...i am not the complaining types....thanks....trust me i'm trying my best to come to terms with a few things....and i knew it'd take me some time...i never expected it to become public...but i guess i have started failing there...oops...i need to set a few things right...thanks again...
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