The Grind starts....

Hmmm...so my journey to the centre of the (corporate) world began today. The core terms started today. Two classes, both after lunch. Bloody hell...2 hour classes. I had serious doubts if I'd be able to sit through them. Thankfully, I could.

I have often heard MBA students talk about the "aha"momement, there was none for me today. I hope I have a few of them soon else I'll lose interest in this stupid thing and then passing an year would be quite tough. what the heck its just eleven months. But then eleven months to what???....I really don't know. I am quite sure I don't wanna go to Delhi now. It is really tough there. But then I also don't want to live alone anymore. So I don't really know what am I looking forward to. I have signed up for 4 different clubs as of now...all leading to very diverse careers...:)...yup I am confused or to be honest I haven't and don't wanna apply my mind to my career. I seriously am not looking forward to anything. In a way, it is good - no expectations, no hassles. But the fact is I would have to make a choice sooner than later, I just have 1 year here to be myself again.

Coming back to the classes today. Had marketing and Accounts today. Marketing was...well ok..nothing too exciting. I don't really know how can people make it a subject to study. accounts was Ok....nothing new....quite manageable.

have around 200 pages of pre-reads before tomorrow's classes - Eco & Stats. Bloody hell I wasted the whole of last week...shud have read something at least...but then I guess the break was needed...

what else...people tell me the profs are good...hope they have it in them to refine me....

Shit it ended....or is it....Shit ended

I have been quite a fan of life's sense of humor. If not anything, it has at least taught me that losing also has a funny side to it. The only problem is that I keep seeing this side too often for my liking. But wait a minute. What the heck!!!...how do I keep considering other's losses as my loss. Bloody hell a few people lose me...that's their bloody problem. nah..I don't really have the egoist's notion of being one of the most desirable beings in the world, but honestly I am not that bad a company for most people who know me.

Well the background to this is simple, a few people take a few steps which seem like hell to me but they actually are the ones I'd like to thank a few years from now. The strange part is that for a few of their stupid troubles I am being held responsible. Wow...I have never really experienced so much negativity flowing my way. And buggers it was all unexplained, unexplained to me...and tragically unexplained to them. Frustrations in life, they kept theirs piling up..they came out at the first instance they were allowed to and the liberation was too much for them. The freshness was too much to handle. Of course I couldn't have taken care of frustrated people. At one point I could just pity them.

I learnt there exist people for whom their own words can be so frivolous. Comeon we all lie...but what the heck there's always a context and a limit. Do I blame it on their language, education...a bit harshly..on their upbringing...or rather simply...their frustrations in life. I believe it's a combination of all. Yes I was troubled because maybe I judged actions/words from the standards I keep for myself. But what the heck ....(Sh)it ended.

Another gain...I quit drinking....trust me i have never felt better....what the heck...i have had around 12 parties in the last 3 months...not a drop of alcohol...wow....but trust me...beyond a point, even fruit juice tastes pathetic...so yeah I am on a lookout for non alcoholic drinks at parties....

And of course the biggest gain out of it....the urge to be good or rather to be seen as good can be such a weakness....Gawd people who can't take care of themselves can be guided by this notion and come to "help" others...and ultimately do something so silly that the farce is easily visible.

and yes, closed minds are the worst of God's creation....as it is we can't explain anything to anyone beyond their mental capabilities...but when people decide not to use even that...then not even God can help....

And of course I have come to know of my support system....maan its awesome....people though not supporting my goal were/are always there for me....I had to dig deep into myself to come out with a false arrogant face to avoid help....though i did fail on a few occasions...but the confidence of them being there...was an awesome feeling....there are too many people to name here...so let's just leave it there....and the beauty of it is that i got to know that there exist people who'd support you only if you did what they liked...I'd better have no support than that support....

There have also been a few losses....I lost my confidence for a few days....my rationality & balance for a few more...but most of all the loss of emotions....I have been told that just like other things your emotions are numbered...they are not to be wasted everywhere....i probably did waste a handful...

SO as I look ahead....I feel liberated....a few monkeys off my back....a few scars...but i also see a few dreams germinating....I hope I have it in me to try and take t hem to their logical conclusion...and even if they shatter again...at least i know how to face it ..:)

gaining years....

So, yesterday it was that day of the year again. Age moves an year ahead. Somehow I tend to become reflective on the day. A few years ago, I read it somewhere - "growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional." I hope I've grown up a bit this year.

This electronic age is really good. All people right from my bank, to the preferred airline to the blood donors group wished..well I received an e-mail at least. The phone calls were lesser than the mails. The world is changing...hmmm.

The day went fine. Finally did take a bath (yeah it'd been two days). Cooked an awesome khichdi in the afternoon. Went out into the city in the evening and came back as empty as i went out. I am really waiting for the classes to begin. Sitting idle, is a killer. The nights are a bit tough these days. The bed is too comfortable for me and the mind is too restless. I just need them to change qualities...:). I know I'd be able to reach there soon. The journey is a bit...well...painful, but what the heck I've come through worse things.

The next week I have a complete off. People studying a few pre-term courses. I have opted for none so I have nothing to do. Maybe I'll explore Hyderabad the next week. Ma'an I need a bike. Sunday it'd be, if I don't buy one this weekend then I don't think I'd be able to in the year ahead. Le's see.

The study groups have been made...5 people..two more guys & two gals....quite a diverse lot...Hope the studies pan out well. hah...as if I want to study...
.nuff for the day...

ISB..

hmmm...right...so I have reached the dreamers' abode....Indian School of Business, Hyderabad.

The place is nice. The administration seems helpful. And the fake smiles and the urge to know everyone in your "batch" is there. A sense of deja vu. Yeah IMT seemed the same in the first month. I am really looking forward to the first exam. This sweetness has to make way for reality soon. Nah I'm not skeptical but yeah a fair dose of realism is needed.

The past two months have been really weird. I just seem to be sleep walking through everything. "Dazed & Confused" that's what I have been. The only good thing was that I have started my journey back into my shell and I know for sure that this time I'll go even deeper 'cause honestly I don't wanna come out ever. I don't wanna come out 'cause I can't really play this game well and now I don't even know if I want to win.

Baaki...the quaddies are nice...two more punjabis and a marathi. The ISB infrastructure is awesome. The quality of faculty does look good. So let's see if they have it in them to refine me..:)

would write more about ISB and the "learning experience" over the next 10 months.