Yup, that's what I ask myself every second day....and the stupid part is I don't really get an answer. Infact I can only ask myself - if not here, then where would I rather be???
It's strange to live without a dream. I don't really see myself going anywhere. At times I felt this was the best state to be in, and even aspired to be in that, but then it's no fun beyond a point.
ISB is fake...or rather the people here are fake. It's tough to live with all smiling faces around. Add to it the 'genius' in all of them, you reach a different planet. Egos are big..:-).
I went into the kitchen the other night. It's huge. Met two 'extra-hands', the people who are not actually into cooking and all but for other stuff like cutting vegetables, cleaning stuff and all. All they aspire to be is that smallest assistant to the chef. They have been here 3 years just living that dream. Yeah, life is relative. I just can't get the right perspective.
Attended a photography, lecture the other night. Hell....i know nothing of photography....yeah not even how to hold the camera properly...:)...nice one...would probably go to a few more...
What else..mom had an accident, a serious one last week....broke her arm...was in the hospital for 'bout 3 days..i was not told...yeah, nice...it made no sense to 'disturb' me....:-)....i don't know how to react....the only thing I asked myself last night was....If I can't go to her when I am a student....would I be able to do it when I have professional responsibilities....:-)...maybe, maybe not...hence the question 'Why the hell am I here??? - yeah maybe to move on in life, leave a few people behind, and find a happy life....worth it???....i don't know....the stupid part is the world believes it is....and I feel i would fall in line soon....:)
Hell, I hate it.....
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Exams...the first at ISB
It's a new feeling.....not doing well in an exam and not feeling guilty....:-)....hell...it's my own money I am wasting now....:)
Yeah, had the first set of exams in ISB today....buggers 2.5 weeks and they have a being called Mid-Term Exam!!!....Had it for 2 subjects....well didn't go to the heights I expected them to...but were not too bad. Le's see.
It's strange when people have their first failure. Met a few people, who just clouldn't believe they had not done well on an exam. Poor souls, yeah it's harsh reality. Failures do exist, and to be honest, they exist much more than the illusion called success. The first learning from ISB for them, I presume.
The good part about relative grading is that if everyone does bad, you can still hope to land somewhere decent. But there are always those "outliers", buggers - they spoil it for everyone. Le's see.
Life was very good this past week. A bit hectic, slept 5 hours per day (average), but then it took me back to being a student again. I am still not getting that required kick. But I think it has started to set in....hopefully by the time next exams come in - 2 weeks to end terms - I'd be in combat mode....and more importantly the mood.
I still don't know what I am looking at ahead but the good part is that I'm leaving the past behind. The more I leave, the more convinced I am of me being correct and the easier it becomes....hah...I am an egoist...:-)
Yeah, had the first set of exams in ISB today....buggers 2.5 weeks and they have a being called Mid-Term Exam!!!....Had it for 2 subjects....well didn't go to the heights I expected them to...but were not too bad. Le's see.
It's strange when people have their first failure. Met a few people, who just clouldn't believe they had not done well on an exam. Poor souls, yeah it's harsh reality. Failures do exist, and to be honest, they exist much more than the illusion called success. The first learning from ISB for them, I presume.
The good part about relative grading is that if everyone does bad, you can still hope to land somewhere decent. But there are always those "outliers", buggers - they spoil it for everyone. Le's see.
Life was very good this past week. A bit hectic, slept 5 hours per day (average), but then it took me back to being a student again. I am still not getting that required kick. But I think it has started to set in....hopefully by the time next exams come in - 2 weeks to end terms - I'd be in combat mode....and more importantly the mood.
I still don't know what I am looking at ahead but the good part is that I'm leaving the past behind. The more I leave, the more convinced I am of me being correct and the easier it becomes....hah...I am an egoist...:-)
Sunday, May 06, 2007
ZZZoooomm.....that's the sound of a passing weekend...
zooooom....yeah that's how the weekend went....try saying that out....zzzoooom.......yeah it makes a nice sound...living it is slightly tougher....
Had plans to study. The operative word being "had". It didn't turn out as expected. Bloody assignments. It's tough being a student again. I thought IMT was the last I had seen of books. I don't really like those fat, coloured things teasing me from the bookshelf. Trust me, they are monsters in themselves and they throw up the bait every day as if saying "Come have me if you can." And poor me I keep thinking I'll win and try going after them everyday. Buggers they have been winning over me for this past week.
Interestingly over the weekend, I realised I had a few responsibilities towards a few people in life. I don't really know how could I have missed out on those. I was too involved in my personal issues for the past 9 years. Yup, June 9, 1998 it was when failure first hit me. I just went into my personal shell and was just too reluctant to come out after that. Failures just became a routine after that. I'd like to believe I'm blessed. Aiming for the moon, I usually landed amongst the stars. But in all of this, I left behind a few people who may have needed me at times. Yeah, I like the sound of it..."needed me"...:). I guess I have to take it up now. It's been too long that I have lived this lonely selfish life. I want to go back now. I have to help a few people find their way. I don't really know if I am needed anymore but what the heck, I'll try and do it anyway.
I am not enjoying ISB. Usually happens with me everywhere. I didn't like college for almost an year. I hated IMT the first year. Ahmedabad was hell for the first 6 months. I take my time getting used to places and liking them. I just have one year here...I hope I begin to start liking this place before I leave. At times I feel I am stopping myself from enjoying a few things, which I think I can enjoy. But I really am reluctant to leave my shell and walk out. I have been having long restive sleeps. I don't know if that makes sense but that's the way it's been. I have been sleeping long hours but am not sleeping well.
Maybe my mind needs a few responsibilities to get into combat mode. I think I have had a lazy, "I care a damn" life for too long. I need to get back into action. I have made a mental note of a few things I need to do on a regular basis. Let's see if I can keep to it.They told me I owe it to a few people. I hate this owing business...but ok let's give it a try....
Had plans to study. The operative word being "had". It didn't turn out as expected. Bloody assignments. It's tough being a student again. I thought IMT was the last I had seen of books. I don't really like those fat, coloured things teasing me from the bookshelf. Trust me, they are monsters in themselves and they throw up the bait every day as if saying "Come have me if you can." And poor me I keep thinking I'll win and try going after them everyday. Buggers they have been winning over me for this past week.
Interestingly over the weekend, I realised I had a few responsibilities towards a few people in life. I don't really know how could I have missed out on those. I was too involved in my personal issues for the past 9 years. Yup, June 9, 1998 it was when failure first hit me. I just went into my personal shell and was just too reluctant to come out after that. Failures just became a routine after that. I'd like to believe I'm blessed. Aiming for the moon, I usually landed amongst the stars. But in all of this, I left behind a few people who may have needed me at times. Yeah, I like the sound of it..."needed me"...:). I guess I have to take it up now. It's been too long that I have lived this lonely selfish life. I want to go back now. I have to help a few people find their way. I don't really know if I am needed anymore but what the heck, I'll try and do it anyway.
I am not enjoying ISB. Usually happens with me everywhere. I didn't like college for almost an year. I hated IMT the first year. Ahmedabad was hell for the first 6 months. I take my time getting used to places and liking them. I just have one year here...I hope I begin to start liking this place before I leave. At times I feel I am stopping myself from enjoying a few things, which I think I can enjoy. But I really am reluctant to leave my shell and walk out. I have been having long restive sleeps. I don't know if that makes sense but that's the way it's been. I have been sleeping long hours but am not sleeping well.
Maybe my mind needs a few responsibilities to get into combat mode. I think I have had a lazy, "I care a damn" life for too long. I need to get back into action. I have made a mental note of a few things I need to do on a regular basis. Let's see if I can keep to it.They told me I owe it to a few people. I hate this owing business...but ok let's give it a try....
Thursday, May 03, 2007
So went the first week...
hmmm...so one week into the MBA....nothing too great. I'm not even sure when was I more disturbed at the start or at the end of the week !!!
OK. Le's see - 4 subjects mktg., Acc, Eco & stats. Mktg should be manageable, lots of reading and lot of bakar...but the beauty is nothing is wrong...so should not really be too big a problem. Accounts...seems Ok till now...maybe would practice a few questions over the weekend. Eco...hmmm...I've done the theory but buggers this is a maths paper...shouldn't be too bad. Stats...this would be the killer. All new topics and I usually lose the professor after about half the class. Let's see if I can pull it back over the weekend....but honestly this is the only subject I'm worried about in the first term.
The week was an eye opener in many other ways. Boy I have become so used to being the way I have been, i just can't keep study after 11:00. The moment i open a book, the eyes just shut by themselves.
The one year MBA is actually a stupid course. They have compressed everything into such a short period, the pace is just too much to keep up with. Bloody hell, I have almost 200 pages of pre-reads every day and add to it the cases we are supposed to solve before the class. It really is tough. I have to really shake off this air of comfort and get down to serious business.
The good part here is that it is a four day week so the pre-read shit is only for four nights. But the extended weekend is not so good either what with three assignments lined up for monday morning submissions, the buggers have given me enough on my plate for three days. Add to it a guest lecture on saturday and the Leadership crap for half of friday, the weekend is already short.
Am I enjoying it??...not really...am just not feeling motivated enough to give it my all. Personally - I'd like to believe I'm coming on well except for ....forget it. At times I feel I'm writing more because I just wanna make sure the posts of the past three months are consigned to archives soon...:)...
What else, the biggest worry these days is to find a way to survive on 6 hour sleep days. trust me I'm failing miserably. I just need some motivation to kick start me....heck...it's only 10 months...comeon I need this last burst of energy....it'll happen for sure...just that i want it to start soon.
OK. Le's see - 4 subjects mktg., Acc, Eco & stats. Mktg should be manageable, lots of reading and lot of bakar...but the beauty is nothing is wrong...so should not really be too big a problem. Accounts...seems Ok till now...maybe would practice a few questions over the weekend. Eco...hmmm...I've done the theory but buggers this is a maths paper...shouldn't be too bad. Stats...this would be the killer. All new topics and I usually lose the professor after about half the class. Let's see if I can pull it back over the weekend....but honestly this is the only subject I'm worried about in the first term.
The week was an eye opener in many other ways. Boy I have become so used to being the way I have been, i just can't keep study after 11:00. The moment i open a book, the eyes just shut by themselves.
The one year MBA is actually a stupid course. They have compressed everything into such a short period, the pace is just too much to keep up with. Bloody hell, I have almost 200 pages of pre-reads every day and add to it the cases we are supposed to solve before the class. It really is tough. I have to really shake off this air of comfort and get down to serious business.
The good part here is that it is a four day week so the pre-read shit is only for four nights. But the extended weekend is not so good either what with three assignments lined up for monday morning submissions, the buggers have given me enough on my plate for three days. Add to it a guest lecture on saturday and the Leadership crap for half of friday, the weekend is already short.
Am I enjoying it??...not really...am just not feeling motivated enough to give it my all. Personally - I'd like to believe I'm coming on well except for ....forget it. At times I feel I'm writing more because I just wanna make sure the posts of the past three months are consigned to archives soon...:)...
What else, the biggest worry these days is to find a way to survive on 6 hour sleep days. trust me I'm failing miserably. I just need some motivation to kick start me....heck...it's only 10 months...comeon I need this last burst of energy....it'll happen for sure...just that i want it to start soon.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)