I have been quite a fan of life's sense of humor. If not anything, it has at least taught me that losing also has a funny side to it. The only problem is that I keep seeing this side too often for my liking. But wait a minute. What the heck!!!...how do I keep considering other's losses as my loss. Bloody hell a few people lose me...that's their bloody problem. nah..I don't really have the egoist's notion of being one of the most desirable beings in the world, but honestly I am not that bad a company for most people who know me.
Well the background to this is simple, a few people take a few steps which seem like hell to me but they actually are the ones I'd like to thank a few years from now. The strange part is that for a few of their stupid troubles I am being held responsible. Wow...I have never really experienced so much negativity flowing my way. And buggers it was all unexplained, unexplained to me...and tragically unexplained to them. Frustrations in life, they kept theirs piling up..they came out at the first instance they were allowed to and the liberation was too much for them. The freshness was too much to handle. Of course I couldn't have taken care of frustrated people. At one point I could just pity them.
I learnt there exist people for whom their own words can be so frivolous. Comeon we all lie...but what the heck there's always a context and a limit. Do I blame it on their language, education...a bit harshly..on their upbringing...or rather simply...their frustrations in life. I believe it's a combination of all. Yes I was troubled because maybe I judged actions/words from the standards I keep for myself. But what the heck ....(Sh)it ended.
Another gain...I quit drinking....trust me i have never felt better....what the heck...i have had around 12 parties in the last 3 months...not a drop of alcohol...wow....but trust me...beyond a point, even fruit juice tastes pathetic...so yeah I am on a lookout for non alcoholic drinks at parties....
And of course the biggest gain out of it....the urge to be good or rather to be seen as good can be such a weakness....Gawd people who can't take care of themselves can be guided by this notion and come to "help" others...and ultimately do something so silly that the farce is easily visible.
and yes, closed minds are the worst of God's creation....as it is we can't explain anything to anyone beyond their mental capabilities...but when people decide not to use even that...then not even God can help....
And of course I have come to know of my support system....maan its awesome....people though not supporting my goal were/are always there for me....I had to dig deep into myself to come out with a false arrogant face to avoid help....though i did fail on a few occasions...but the confidence of them being there...was an awesome feeling....there are too many people to name here...so let's just leave it there....and the beauty of it is that i got to know that there exist people who'd support you only if you did what they liked...I'd better have no support than that support....
There have also been a few losses....I lost my confidence for a few days....my rationality & balance for a few more...but most of all the loss of emotions....I have been told that just like other things your emotions are numbered...they are not to be wasted everywhere....i probably did waste a handful...
SO as I look ahead....I feel liberated....a few monkeys off my back....a few scars...but i also see a few dreams germinating....I hope I have it in me to try and take t hem to their logical conclusion...and even if they shatter again...at least i know how to face it ..:)
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