Feeling alive again....

so its been a long time....and much has happened....started with the job within a week of leaving campus....started hating it from day-one....tried to force myself to like it...tried for three months...found a new job....joined it...worked hard for a couple of months...the recession set in...am under relatively less pressure...so am back to typing out some nonsense


Looking back....i think i have done all that anyone out of a half-decent b-school does...splurged money...on many things from parents to self to home to women.....saved a bit....changed a job....thought of a couple of business plans...gave up on them...gained weight ...lost it....and passed through a phase of feeling blank...completely blank..

and looking back at the last two years...just lost life somewhere down there....they say the unconscious remembers more than the conscious....but here even the body...the unconsciou had forgotten what it felt to live...abida's singing, ghalib's writing, gulzar's movies...nothing seemed to matter...and it was turning out to be a bland existence...where almost nothing mattered....got through ISB, a job, a job change, a few half-baked non-sensical associations....without much sweat...rather without even the urge to make an effort....and honestly i didnt even think it was bad...except that i wasnt enjoying the existence and i reasoned half the darn world lived like this and i had to get into this mode of living a 'normal' life....

and then it happened....a couple of weeks...maybe a month ago....driving down to office....after jogging for around 8 kms...playing nusrat in the car....a chill went down the spine on a particular line....it felt awkward....almost alien....but something about it made me smile....played the line again...and i smiled again....tried a different song....and at another line...felt the chill again....the unconscious just hit a memory bank of happiness the body reacted the way it used to, years ago....i just got to know what it felt like being alive again....

life's just turned better since then....have been enjoying almost everything i have been doing...and have been doing a few stupid things as well (wud reveal them in subsequent posts)....and the chill going down the spine is back.....around twice daily....:)...I am back to being alive...and enjoying the existence...

...in very strange way...know that this would not last for very long...but this time it just doesn't hurt....guess have come alive with intelligent senses which just started to cut out the painful bits out of life....so as of now am making the best of every moment i am living....and someone somewhere (whose existence I am not sure of) is helping me do it....:)

reading it again...the post looks a bit awkward & outta place....but have cut all the unnecessary details....the post is just to remind me of the time i am in.....and i am sure the details wudnt matter when i read it a few months from now....:)