They said you'll get bored of it and then start smiling. Hmmm...I actually am sick of these fake smiles. Either I stop them or make them real. The second option does deserve a chance. It'll take its time happening, but then till then I'll keep smiling and laughing the fakes.
Life's stuck-up, where I don't know. But it's stuck up for sure.I am trying my best to force it out of the rut but then I've just become so weak. The mornings are becoming horrible again, the nights have started troubling me too. The sleeplessness is back. I try my utmost to be awake till late in the night to avoid early mornings...but then old habits die hard and am usually up before the sun is out.
Work life is screwed. I have done nothing in the past two months and am bluffing people like hell. Some of them have the power to screw my career beyond recognition. They tell me, I have to come out of this stupidity. I guess I'll start with this. I guess my last year's hard work has saved me till now but I've reached a zone where it starts to get dicey.
Family, I have spoilt it to the level I never had before this. The average phone call home is about 45 seconds in length. Pheww...I need to sort out this. But I guess I should let my sis's exams get over. They are happy to be cold to me as of now and I'd let them be there for some more time. They think I'm on some ego trip and I'll just keep fuelling it for some more time. I don't know if I am being selfish, nah...I'm not.
And yes, we've fought again. God & me. It's for him to make up this time. nah...Don't I know myself.
It's been a funny time. The ones you enjoy two years hence. I thought I had passed that stage in life but I guess a last burst was due. Have i faced it before?? Yeah maybe I have but then that was a great learning experience. I am yet to count my gains out of this. What disturbs me is...am I giving up?? Maybe I am, but then you can't drill in sense to closed minds. In a strange way I'm reluctant to accept others' mistakes but then they have to live with it. Why the hell should I be bothered about their guilty conscience. But yeah maybe even I have my personal motives and that is what troubles me. Expectations, yup that is it. I have kept them low for so many years so they had to take this monstrous shape sometime. I guess they'll come back to a reasonable size with time.
Got to hear of three more marriages in the past three days. hmmm....great show guys keep it running.
So I have to head back. They say "be neutral." Hmmm....let's see. The initial burst is just not happening. I always fear that the original burst would put me into an orbit of negativity that I really want to avoid. So instead of being launched out, I'm walking out of it and that is taking its time. Let's see if we can put time frames on that. I know I have to leave a lot of things in this but then that has never been tough. Am I ready to battle myself again??. ummmm...do i have a choice?? Maybe I do....but I guess it's been enough, so let's head back...to where?? well the stupid place called world where money, promotions, performance appraisals, applause, careers, society, etiquette and all the crap becomes important again and the wild heart learns to live a timid tame life. I really do like life's sense of humour. Come beat me again I am ready to surrender.
Life's stuck-up, where I don't know. But it's stuck up for sure.I am trying my best to force it out of the rut but then I've just become so weak. The mornings are becoming horrible again, the nights have started troubling me too. The sleeplessness is back. I try my utmost to be awake till late in the night to avoid early mornings...but then old habits die hard and am usually up before the sun is out.
Work life is screwed. I have done nothing in the past two months and am bluffing people like hell. Some of them have the power to screw my career beyond recognition. They tell me, I have to come out of this stupidity. I guess I'll start with this. I guess my last year's hard work has saved me till now but I've reached a zone where it starts to get dicey.
Family, I have spoilt it to the level I never had before this. The average phone call home is about 45 seconds in length. Pheww...I need to sort out this. But I guess I should let my sis's exams get over. They are happy to be cold to me as of now and I'd let them be there for some more time. They think I'm on some ego trip and I'll just keep fuelling it for some more time. I don't know if I am being selfish, nah...I'm not.
And yes, we've fought again. God & me. It's for him to make up this time. nah...Don't I know myself.
It's been a funny time. The ones you enjoy two years hence. I thought I had passed that stage in life but I guess a last burst was due. Have i faced it before?? Yeah maybe I have but then that was a great learning experience. I am yet to count my gains out of this. What disturbs me is...am I giving up?? Maybe I am, but then you can't drill in sense to closed minds. In a strange way I'm reluctant to accept others' mistakes but then they have to live with it. Why the hell should I be bothered about their guilty conscience. But yeah maybe even I have my personal motives and that is what troubles me. Expectations, yup that is it. I have kept them low for so many years so they had to take this monstrous shape sometime. I guess they'll come back to a reasonable size with time.
Got to hear of three more marriages in the past three days. hmmm....great show guys keep it running.
So I have to head back. They say "be neutral." Hmmm....let's see. The initial burst is just not happening. I always fear that the original burst would put me into an orbit of negativity that I really want to avoid. So instead of being launched out, I'm walking out of it and that is taking its time. Let's see if we can put time frames on that. I know I have to leave a lot of things in this but then that has never been tough. Am I ready to battle myself again??. ummmm...do i have a choice?? Maybe I do....but I guess it's been enough, so let's head back...to where?? well the stupid place called world where money, promotions, performance appraisals, applause, careers, society, etiquette and all the crap becomes important again and the wild heart learns to live a timid tame life. I really do like life's sense of humour. Come beat me again I am ready to surrender.
2 comments:
Plans wont work out..The Optimistic notes wht u must be receivin from others end would just aggravate ur agony...
This is the time when ppl generally avoid pessimism n look fr optimism...But wht helps u to escape ur despair is nothin but Pessimism..the proverbial quote.."things are healed up with time"..accept it..
accept it that all ur efforts would just generate some Whys and Hows and leave u unanswered at the end of the day...And eventually pessimism is what u'll learn..so why not now??...
after all some No(s) do help u take the right direction..that is when u say Yes to the other available option...n Pessimism eventually leads to optimism.. :)
So negate the existin optimism and go fr the other one.. :)
Cheers :)
Anon- yup, you are right. Thanks. Do I know you??
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