k let's take it the funny way....

There's an inverse relationship between how good something is for you, and how much fun it is.

There's no problem so awful that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse!

The above two quotes somehow reveal perfectly the mental state I'm in. Add to it a total lack of communication, if we discount horrible emotional outbursts. Add a hell lotta denial and you know life is turning horrible.

Hidden emotional blackmails. Apprehensions going to a scale where it becomes impossible to even discuss. Losing patience. Immense time pressures. Disaster of course is never far away. Trust me I learnt it the hard way.

But somehow I believed in the "Alchemist". Yeah the stupid book by Paulo Coelho. I believed in a few very stupid movies. So leaving hope becomes just so difficult.

Enjoying life, well, these days I'd really like to know how to do it. Nothing is going right, yup nothing is going right (someone suggested then try going left!!!...:)). But then I have even lost my sense of direction.

Add to it some really provocative statements. Lots of confusion. A big dash of weakness (elsewhere). And an almost empty bank account. Bills staring you down and credit card limits being exhausted. Work pressure greeting you along with the guilt of doing nothing at all.

Reflecting over everything. Nothing was wrong. Just a small turn and things went so horribly wrong. But then I have brought life back to track so many times and I know I can do it again but then opening minds is difficult than breaking mountains. Relative truths becoming stronger than real truths is a sure shot sign of disaster and that is what happens when minds refuse to open up. Wrong timing, yup that's what I've been told. Now how can I take time back, maybe a few things have to move up and catch up with time.

Losing balance is what they call it. Bloody hell, OK, I have lost balance, now someone tell me how to regain it. There's a so apparent easy way out but I have to take the long tortuous way out. What's the point???. I'll try and find it and put it in the next post.

"..its the test of desire...that's what life is"...bloody hell...i keep running into statements like this...but it's true...isn't it??